Miscellaneous - http://phatbowling.com/starfire7s/TEE_HE

One day a convenience store worker was sitting
not doing much. At 2 o'clock the doors swing open
and a duck walks in.

"Do you have any duck food?" the duck asks.

"No we don't got any duck food."

"Okay, thanks anyway", says the duck,
and walks out.

The next day at 2 o'clock the doors swing open
again, and the same duck walks in.
"Got any duck food?" he asks.

The clerk is a little annoyed "No! We
don't have any duck food!"

"Fine." the duck says and walks out.

The third day at 2 o'clock the doors
swing open and the duck walks in and asks,

"Got any duck food?"

By now the clerk is getting very annoyed:

"No" he yells "We don't have any duck food!
We didn't have any yesterday, won't have any
today and we won't have any tomorrow! And if
you come in here again and ask if we have any
duck food I'll nail your little web feet
to the floor!!!!"

All the duck does is turn and walk out
the door.

On the forth day at 2 o'clock the doors
swing open and the duck walks in:

"Got any nails?" the duck asks.

"No we don't got nails!", barks the
annoyed clerk.

"Well then," the duck says "got any duck food?"

"Be Careful What You Wish For"

A young woman with petite breasts buys a finely
carved mirror at an oriental furniture shop and
hangs it on the door of her bathroom. One morning,
while getting undressed, she playfully says:

"Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my boobs
forty-four". Instantly, there is a brilliant
flash of light, and her boobs grow to enormous
proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her
husband what has happened, and in minutes they
both return to the mirror.

This time the husband crosses his fingers and
says: "Mirror, mirror, on the door, make my
penis touch the floor!".

Again, there's a brilliant flash of light, and
instantly both of his legs fall off.

+++

"Lena and Ole"

Ole and Lena were sitting down to there usual cup
of morning coffee listening to the weather report
coming over the radio.

"There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a
snow emergency has been declared. You must park
your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets"

Ole get up from his coffee and replies "Jeez O.K."

2 days later, again they both are sitting down with
their cups of coffee and the weather forecast is:

"There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a
snow emergency has been declared. You must park
your cars on the even numbered side of the streets"

Ole get up from his coffee and replies "Jeez O.K."

3 days later, again they both are sitting down with
their cups of coffee and the weather forecast is:

"There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a
snow emergency has been declared. You must park
your cars on the" and then the power went out and
Ole didn't get the rest of the instructions.

He says to Lena "Jeez, what am I going to do
now, Lena"

Lena replies "Aw Ole, yust leave the car in
the garage".

+++

Mr Smith got himself a new secretary. She was young,

sweet & polite. One day while taking dictation, she

noticed his fly was open. When he got up to leave she

said "Oh, Mr Smith did you know that your barracks

door was open?"

He did not understand the remark at first, but later he

happened to look down & saw that his zipper was open. He

decided to have a little fun with this new secretary,

calling her into his office he asked, "By the way Miss

Jones, when you said the barracks door was open this

morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?"

The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, "Why no, Mr

Smith. All I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting

on two old duffle bags."

***

Fireman's code:

A fireman comes home from work one day and tells

his wife, "You know, we have a terrific new system at

the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we all put on our gear.

Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings

and off we go on the trucks."

"From now on, " he said, 'we'll run this house the same

way. When I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When

I say Bell 2, I want you to jump into bed. Then, when

I say Bell 3 we start an all night session."

The next day our hero come homes from work and yells,

"Bell 1!" His wife strips. "Bell 2!" She leaps into

the bed. "Bell 3," They began. After about two minutes

his wife yells, "Bell 4!"

"Bell 4?", the husband asks, "what does that mean?"

"More hose," she replies, "you're nowhere near the fire!

*****

Starfire7s@aol.com

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Page Updated Thu Feb 11, 1999 11:36pm EST