Are you a guy??? - Miscellaneous - http://phatbowling.com/soulbabe/Are_you_a_guy

Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your Guyness Quotient

Question 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they
encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device
that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty,
and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:

a. Present it to the president of the United States.
b. Present it to the secretary general of the United Nations.
c. Take it apart.

Question 2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?

a. Innocence.
b. Idealism.
c. Cherry bombs.

Question 3. When is it okay to kiss another male?

a. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
b. When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.)
c. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsman-like way to let him know
that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.

Question 4. What about hugging another male?

a. If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease.
b. If you're performing the Heimlich manoeuvre. (And even in this case, you should repeatedly shout: "I am just
dislodging food trapped in this male's trachea! I am not in any way aroused!")
c. If you're a professional baseball player and a team-mate hits a home run to win the World Series, you may hug
him provided that:

(1) He is legally within the basepath,
(2) Both of you are wearing protective cups, and
(3) You also pound him fraternally with your fist hard enough to cause fractures.

Question 5. Complete this sentence: A funeral is a good time to...

a. ...remember the deceased and console his loved ones.
b. ...reflect upon the fleeting transience of earthly life.
c. ...tell the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's disease and cancer.

Question 6. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

a. A cat.
b. A dog.
c. A dog that eats cats.

Question 7. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always
enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy -- you're watching a
football game; she's reading the papers -- when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks
she really loves you, but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going.
She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of
future together. What do you say?

a. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
b. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to
make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
c. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third and seventeen.

Question 8. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life
with her -- sharing the joys and the sorrows, the triumphs and the tragedies, and all the adventures and
opportunities that the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?

a. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
b. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea
breeze blowing her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
c. Tell her what?

Question 9. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready
for school. Your first question to her is:

a. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
b. "They're in school already?"
c. "There are three of them?"

Question 10. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?

a. When it has turned the colour of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which
ones were originally intended for your legs.
b. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
c. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody
-- and we are not naming names, but this would be his wife -- is quietly trying to discard his underwear, which she
is frankly jealous of, because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her.

Question 11. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites
all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?

a. He was being tested.
b. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
c. He refused to ask directions.

Question 12. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?

a. Democracy.
b. Religion.
c. Remote control.

How to Score:

Give yourself one point for every time you picked answer "c."
A real guy would score at least 10 on this test. In fact, a real guy would score at least 15, because he would get
the special five-point bonus for knowing the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's disease and cancer.

soul_darcy@yahoo.com

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Page Updated Fri May 21, 1999 11:51am EDT