WELCOME to my home! a place of wonder and amazement! A place where you wont uderstand whats going on untill you wake up suddenly in the middle of the nght and go "Ohhhhh! I get it now!" and fall asleep again, wake up late and miss the bus to school/work and, when you finally get to school/work you get shouted at by your teacher/boss for being so late and get given a detension/fired making you slip into a deep depression and go out binge drinking that night only to get run over by the ambulance which was called to save you from alcohol poisoning. OK, a little something to get you started in my world. Imagine, if you will, the common lemming, and the rumor/myth that they like to commit suicide. I rekon that they have a little olympic type thing for that. Like the diving in ours, who can perform the best jump off a cliff and land in the squishiest way on the pointy rocks below. Or maybie they have a more genral awards ceremony a bit like the oscars, "The award for the most imaginative suicide goes to....." ect. just a little something to think about. If you want, visit my ginger counterpart at www.maxpages.com/whereisthis and contact him concerning this matter and he might be very nice to send you some little cartoons about the subject. (however if he says no dont come cying to me, i'll only set your hair on fire) Maybie lemmings are actually immortal and do it for a laugh cos they know they'll be alive again in an hour or so? Who knows! i like the oscar style thing myelf, sounds better than the real thing actually, (hmmmm, *idea for getting rid of chavs*)(*evil grin*) I always thought that Earth was was Mostly Harmless... but its not!! If anyone ever says that it isnt dangerous I challenge them to do some of the following : Run up to an Alsation and kick it in the nuts, stand in a East London black-town backalley in a white shirt with hood plus a K on the front, then hold up a banner sporting the words "White Supreme and Death to Blacks". Another case is to walk up to a prostitute, slap her, call her ugly and say " I wouldnt shag you even if you were spurting gold from your pussy". The most extreme is not having a poo for 3 months then walk into a furnace and let rip (methane + flame = not a nice experience AT ALL). So when someone does come up to you and say "Earth is Mostly Harmless" lead them into a backalley 'Thugs Pub' Order 900 drinks spill them all on the floor and say "sorry mate, only got a fiver!". Wow! You were bothered to read this far! I commend you on your stamina! So, now that you've got this far, im guessing that you'll want something for it? Well do ya? Well, guess what!................................. you get diddly squit! The satisfaction of getting to here should be enough for you! Just think how much you've learned! If you keep reading, however, maybe i might give you a little something, just contact me on the usual address and I'll see how nice you are, and (if your very lucky) I might give you a little something. But anyway, for anouther bit of randomness, I'll let you contact me and tell me what you think of the site so far and what you want to see on the site, hows that? Its a site for the people and the people are thick as my Nans' custard. Ok Brian! You American twat head who doesn't get the humour us English have because your brain is way to small to comprehend the bottemless expanse of comlexity of my humour. How dare you insult my site? Huh? Huh? My army of pumpkin mask wearing Lemmings will be coming to sort you out punisher style! Mwahahahahaha! No one gets away with insulting my site! YOU WILL PAY!!!! And how did you find it? Huh? Huh? Whats your email? How dare you make comment and not leave your e-mail? You sad old ladys purse! Go home to your mummy and cry! You didnt even say how I could make it better did you? NO! And why not? Huh? Huh? You got yourself a right good kipper slapping coming your way very soon! Im always watching Brian Horlock, you will never escape! Brian Horlock, YOUR THE UGLIEST SPASM OF LIFE EVER TO WALK THE EARTH! Vote for the Monster Raving Loony Party! To get their manifesto, see my links page. They are the only party in the Uk who are honest and make any sence what-so-ever! I'll leave you to read their manifesto because its to long to put here but it's the best thing I have ever read in my entire life! VOTE FOR INSANITY, YOU KNOW IT MAKES SENCE! Heres something i feel VERY strongly about. Now, if you live in the U.S.A you prob wont know what im on about, but plaese try to understand. Chavs! Who likes Chavs? I'll tell you, no-one, thats who! ok, for you Americans, and anyone else who doesnt know what im on about, heres a quick run down of a typical chav: Wears Nike, Reebok Addidas sports wear even though they'll never do any type of sport. They like to wear Burbery (a bage tartan type material) They love hip-hop and try to act 'hard' even though there mostly short and full of shit. They smoke, if possible (if they cant afford ciggeretes they try to scavange some off a random passer-by. Also, if you make eye contact with a chav, he/she will most likely say "wot da fuk u lookin at?" or something along those lines with random assortmant of swear words thrown in, most likely 'fuck'. If you reply to this, be prepared for a long, one sided, basic argument, with the chav in question repeating the same things over and over again. If you see a chav on his/her own, he/she is probably lost and you should proceed in laghing and mocking accordingly. However, do not approch a group, they are very aggressive and are more likly to throw a miss aimed punch at you, eaisily avoided, but many of the group may join in. If, like me, your planning to go chav hunting one night, here are some tips. 1. go out after dark and to places such as petrol stations or garages or off-lincences and bus stations/shelters. These are there most common hang outs along with shopping centres and youth clubs. Good weapons to use against chavs are very large bladed weapons, such as katana's or any long balde. Also, an equally good weapon is a spork! You may laugh but a spork gives the elemant of surprise and can injure chaves and dis arm them from there precious caps and burbery items. Use 2 if possible. Also, humiliate chavs, this makes the rest of the group (if there not alone) abandom them and then its easy pickings. Good methods of humiliation, knocking caps off or pulling trousers down. Also, lure them into a phone box and tape it up for big laughs. If you can, try to get some cloroform and dump them into a portaloo and tape it up and leave. More to come,watch this space! Chavs are SCUM!!!! Ok, as promised, more about chavs!!! yay!!! now, i know that first bit was a tiny bit longer than the rest of my site, but i hope you read it. ok, now, the main, fundimental thing about chavs is their stupidity. (and the fact that they dont see how being a chav is bad and that they need to be shot.) Ok, a chav is so stupid, that they'll most commonly try to get their oldest looking friend (who is usually 14 and looks about 15 at the most) to buy them fags, and guess where they have this conversation about whos gonna buy them and why? in front of the cashier who always asks for I.D and probably knows who the chavs are because they attemp to buy the blasted things in the same shop even though they always get turned away. If that isn't stupid then what is? Also, if your unlucky enough to have a battle of wits with a chav, then they have the strange belif that if they repeat themselves a few hundred times then they'll somehow win. How this works i do not know, and will gladly hear from anyone with a theory of why they do this. Also, if you happen to come up with a remark that is actually very good and very funny and incredibly insulting (i hope you all can do this) then they'll either repeat what you just said or say 'At least im not gay' or something along those lines, with different words in place of 'gay'. Ok, the next main thing you have to know about the chav culture is the chavette. This is a female chav. These are almost a completly different culture to chavo's (male chav's) in many ways. They all want to look like there favorite pop star (whose names i cannot be arsed to list) and insist on wearing short skirts, hoop earrings and that bloddy pair of felt boots which EVERY BLODDY CHAVETTE HAS!!!!!! Why? Why do they all dress the same? I mean, can they not be individual, or are they to scared to put there necks out and say "hey, im being me, like it or lump it!" They are the original sheep and should be hearded like them. I mean, everyone else seems to have a stlye of their own, even if they belong to larger group (eg goths and emos or skaters) whereas chavs, ALL dress in the same stuff! I've even seem chavettes weraing tracksuits, then the next time i see them they've SWAPPED the tracksuits around! How sad is that? Also, there called TRACKsuits, meaning that they are designed to be worn on a running track, but do you see many chavs doing the 800m races? No! They smoke o much they can barly outrun secutrity gurds at the local shopping centre! If you want to have your say on chavs, or if you are a chav, defend your 'homies' or 'massive' then you can either contact me or go to chavscum.com (link on my links page) to read more about them. Next instalment is chav spotting. Kepp reading back for updates. Ok, i know its been a while, but heres my guide to chav spotting (or hunting as i call it). ok, well first off, you need to know where our local chavs like to hang out. Now, the usual hang outs are bus shelters, outside offlicences, petrol stations/garages or any small place that they can lurk in. Go out scouting a day or to before the hunt so you know where you can get them and get away quickly. Now, whether your just spotting or hutning, its good to have a veachle, land rovers are the best as you can fit more hunters/spotters into them and are shit scary if you decide to chase your local chavs. Ok, now, you'll need cameras to catch the faces of your scared chavs. Canera phones will do, but for best results use a digital camera without a time delay so you can get quick snaps before they peg it. Good tactis to chav hunters is to go in a group in a car. Find some chavs and shout something out the window as you pass (make sure you have a large scary looking person driving and in the front seat) no, when they start swearing and making gestures back, pull over and turn the car around, then chase them in the car as no doubt they'll have pegged it. If they have'nt pegged it, pull over and all get out of the car and walk slowly over to them, then they should peg it. If you give chase, try to single one out and follow him. REMEMBER!!!! Violence is not good against chavs, they are well conected in the law enviroment and know how to play the system in there favor how do you think they have money when they dont work?) So only scare them and get the evidence of the so called hard nutts shit scared and pegging it. Humiliation is always better than a black eye in the long run. For spotters, remmber to get clean pics and take multiple photos so that you get a few to distribute and humiliate the chavs in question. Now, you heard of happy slapping? of not its when chavs run up to people and plap them while filming it on camera phones. Well, if your brave enough, single out a lonly chav or chavette and ask her a intelligant question while filming on a camera phone. If you do it well, you'll get a good video of a very confused chav and a hillarious face to boot. Please send all clips and pics to my email address. Happy hunting!