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| 1000 ways the world would be different if Frank Loc ruled the world |
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| 1. Chicks would think big noses not big muscles make sex better. 2. Double Dare would be back on tv but on NBC in the old Seinfield slot. 3. Someone drop a nuclear bomb on Sweden because they only good things they have ever made were Swedish fish and the Swedish biniki team. 4. The NBA would be broke up and replaced with the NBPL. (The National Bumper Pool League) 5. The Big Cookie would become its own food caterogory. 6. MTV would have to play some good music and get rid of every vj except Kennedy, Matt Pinfield and Down Town Julie Brown. 7. They would only sell prevented pictoranry. 8. Playing 'Marco Penis' would be the new hip thing to do. 9. Everyone would be willing to give mike connors their colon just because he poops to much. 10. CSPAN would be turned into: Cocky short persians and nylons 11. The weather channel would be have real news and half fake news. Only Frank Lock would know the real weather. 12. It would be an option to get porn mail or not. 13. The national athemem would be Free bird by Lynard Skynard 14. Wendys will not be able to tempt us every time we go in there with porn music 15. Only certain people will be able to step on Franks stomach namely BEAN 16. Edible underwear will be made of fruit by the foot (Fruit Flave) and no other flavors 17. cruifixing mimes will not be illegal.... but encouraged 18. Cow Tipping will become an olympic sport just so those Serbians can kick some major ass 19. The only plumbers that are allowed to show ass cracks are women and have to be approved by Frank Lock 20. If you don't like Oreo cookies then you will be shipped out the country and never to be heard of again. 21. The only way some one could use speed dial is if the people on it were arranged in the order of size of their privates 22. Vanna white would just come out of the closet and admit she has been pumping it for Pat Sajak as well as Elieen Dengeraes. 23. No more BET! 24. John Henson would go back to being the host of Talk soup cause the other dude just sucks. 25. The way married life would be determined would be by The World Wide Mini Golf tournament. 26. When someone says they will make brownies, they must make them goddamnit 27. Everyone required by law eats 2 cheese dogs, a roast beef and cheese sandwich, two bowls of frosted mini wheats and no more then 7 oreos at least one week. 28. The sport of volleyball will only be able to play by the cast of Baywatch and Salute your Shorts 29. Every bathroom in frank locks mansion will have a big screen tv, a bowling alley and Kristie Alley. 30. PROSTITUTION IS LEGAL 31. All Anti Sock a vists will be sent away to some where useless like Canada. (some people are considered by Lock) 32. All Cartoons will have to wear clothes 33. except Daisy Duck and Betty Rumbel 35. All Supermarkets after the midnight hour will be turned into a big fun bumber car arena. 36. Peeing on top of any tall building is fun and encouraged. 37. Frank and only frank would get to ride in the pope mobile 38. and wear his hat 39. You can grow your hair as long as you want as long as you don't intend on letting somebody give back their blind melon cd to someone else. 40. Only Frank and the people he allows will be able to use two ply toilet paper. 41. Anyone still owning one of those damn Skip its will be killed automatically. 42. Anyone who still plays with a Skip It will have to be franks secret sex toys ( Note to self, most of those people are under the age of 10) 43. Regis Philbin will no longer be known Regis Philibin but as the PIG HUMPER.... just think of the tv show. PIG HUMPER AND KATHY LEE 44. All groundhog will be killed except the one in Caddy Shack 45. Anyone with nose hair or ear hair will be sent to Kansas 46. Jennifer Aniston from Friends would not wear a bra on friends... wait she already doesn't (One thing Frank Lock would keep the same) 47. The end piece of every loaf of bread will be shoved into a big space ship and sent to Mars 48. Their will be only one bottle water company because they all taste the same. 49. The only way the Insane Clown Posse will be able to live is if they both have a corn dog sticking out there ass 50. Everyone would know why Steph is called Stephanie Pancake 51. Everyone would have to wear hi my name is stickers on their left calf muscle 52. Mr. Rodgers would be beaten to death with a big stick 53. Everyone would own a kangaroo. 54. Pogo sticks would be the only way of transporation 55. Mr. Potato Head would be looked at as a god and will become the new ambassador to France 56. The letter "V'' would be kicked out of the Alphabet 57. Everyone in every country would have to speak the same language because all languages suck except ours 58. Montel Williams will be forced to grow his moustache back 59. The only pet people will be able to have are chia pets 60. No one will be able to name their children wista 61. Petroleum jelly will be free 62. Cotton swaabs would be illegal 63. People will have to name their kids pet names (spot, bruiser, etc.) and their pets human names (joe, bob, willy, etc.) 64. All people in louisiana must paint heir houses purple 65. All girls under 13 must have pig tails 66. All guys over 17 must have french braids in their hair except people the lock deems necasary 67. School buses would be hot pink 68. TOPLESS DAY!! 69. criminals would have to lick the bottoms of pool filters 70. serbians would have to wear dirty diapers on their ears 71. lysol would come in bigger bottles 72. All zebras should have to wear short skirts 73. Anyone that wear Sun Block directly on their nose should be smacked with a shovel 74. Everyone in Iceland must eat Pancakes everyday for breakfast 75. Anyone who dresses up like their dog should be locked in a room with Angela Lansbury and Gallagher (not chris but the comedy dude) having sex 76. If Ricky Lake wants to keep her job, she must have the words "I'm a stupid fat bitch" tatooed across her head. 77. On Ebay.com people will be given the chance to hog tie the backstreet boys and throw them into a vat of burning hot fudge by auction. 78. In New Mexico people will only be able to watch Night Court and play Guess who 79. Mad Libs would be brought back to life.... only to amuse frank loughry though 80. Every male in the world would be asked who would you rather DO Marianne or Ginger and have Larry King announce them during the first big game of the NBPL. 81. Sumo Wrestling---- only for entertainment only. No one is allowed to take it seriously 82. The same goes for Foozeball 83. taking a poop would be considered an art form 84. Only dennys will be able to sell rabbit shit as long as they give you free chilli chesse fries too 85. Live performances will take place at Lock's house everyday and only Frank can invite the members. ( note, anything from Slayer to Lynard Skynard) 86. The pledge of alliegiance will be replaced with War Pigs by Black Sabbath 87. Whenever it down pours, every block must go outside and form a circle and grabs hands and sing CARS while spinning around in a circle 88. Everyone with a small nose will be attacked by crazy old ladies who want their teeth back 89. Bababoeey will become the prime minister of England 90. a pianist will be called a PENIS just so no one laughs when someone says pianist 91. Three way marriages are legal as long as they involve former NBA greats Ralph Sampson, Kareem Abdul Jabbar and Magic Johnson. 92. The so called curse words will be every day words.... but replaced as follows.... ass= PBS, bitch= anyone from the view and shit= 98 degrees 93. Everyone will get to see what Peter Jennings is wearing pants if any... whens hes on tv. 94. A calender with Connie Chung nude will be in every house 95. Vh1 behind the music will be the most watched tv show except Quatium Leap 96. Press your luck will get its own channel 97. If anyone uses the saying " I'm high on air" they will be shot immedately 98. Anyone who likes Rosie O' Donnell must go to Sweden 99. Ditto for Rosie (refer to the top) 100. Drew Carey will be able to have super human powers like seeing through chicks shirts and the strength to move a car with his teeth 101. The artist formely known as Prince will have to gay sex with Ricky Martin. Either way both will get stuffed into a deep dark cave in New Guiena 102. Puff Daddy will have his balls rip off and then someone puts icey hot on them and turns them sideways and then shove it in his ears 103. Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf will become everyone's favorite Dwarf in all the world 104. All those awards shows like the emmys would just die because no one likes them and they are the reason Joan Rivers has a job. 105. That both Magic the Gathering and Pokemon cards will be replaced with toe nail collections and used Q- Tips 106. Toast will never be over buttered 107. Either one of the guys on Simon and Simon the tv show will get their name changed to AHAB 108. A shrine for Randy Rhoads and Cliff Burton will be in every town 109. White out will no longer be created by one of the monkies but instead by the mother from who's the boss 110. Ted Turner would be a poor bumb who has no money and trys to stay alive on a New York City subway 111. when talking about them... people must call them CRAYONS not crowns 112. Sheryl Crow must eat Cow shit for ruining Guns N Roses Sweet Child of Mine 113. Instead of screaming Bingo when someone wins, they must stand on their table and scream BUMBA BUMBA 114. Everyone would know how to spell Tities (no exceptions) 115. Shower caps are not allowed (no exceptions) 116. Anyone wearing a wife beater including Kid Rock must be placed under a big mallet and smashed by Gallagher (take your pick on which one) 117. Walk in freezers will be in everyones house as long as they keep liverwurst in there 118. Instead of the miss america contest it will be miss america sand castle building contest 119. Elephants must wear ballerina tuto's at all time 120. post its will replace tape 121. Alec Trabeck must wear a garder belt during every episode of Jeopardy 122. No little kids will be able to sell ice tea on their sidewalks unless they give away a monkey with every cup. 123. Shaking hands with someone would be replaced with a firm slap on the ass. 124. BOTTOMLESS WEEK!!!!! 125. National Masturbation month will be every MAY, June, July and August ( your welcome, jon) 126. Painting little figures will be banned unless you are mike dicicco ( gallagher can't do it) 127. Multi colored pens will given out by frank only if you make him chilli cheese dogs 128. BARNEY will be killed at site and the person who does this will recieve a life time supply of Hog in Daugs Ice Cream 129. The who would you rather bone game would be the most exciting thing since POGS! 130. Smelly candles will only be allowed if they smell like chocolate 131. When graduating from any school, the gradution robes will be replaced with their birthday suit because you dont want to see any of them again and this will make them stay away from you 132. Pennies will be come extinct and will have no money worth so the only thing people can do with them is throw them into waterfalls 133. Everyone that is from Austria will be sucked up in a big vaccum cleaner ( everyone in Austria just laughed and then screamed hey! thats not funny) 134. Sally Jesse Raphel will have to dress up as a teenage mutant ninja turtle on every eposide of her show. 135. Every sprinkler system will shoot out yoohoo and not water. 136. If you want to wear an Adidas shirt you must move to Oregon except if you believe you are the anit christ. 137. Anyone who has their mailbox not attached to their house... has no right to complain if they get their mail box hit with a baseball bat 138. Rock you like a hurricane by the Scropions will beat out the latest Mariah Carey Song on the top ten billboards. 139. Anyone who dyes their hair blonde over the summer will be turned into a batch of playdough. 140. The members of N Sync will be used on a new tv show....entitled how many people can fit in a moving blender at one time. 141. Everyone must tie their shoes like Jon or tie them once and leave them until you get a new pair of shoes 142. Pudding will no longer be able to be indorsed by Bill Cosby 143. any mention of DMX or Method Man will get a orange julious stuck up their ass. 144. Weezie from the Jeffersons will be the new queen of England 145. U.S. will now be called the United States of Lock (USOL) 146. The Vice president will be mr. ferly ( from Three's company) 147. Chewbacca is president 148. Gargarmel (from the smurfs) the treasurer of the USOL 149. Kermit the Frog its not easy being green before every eagles game. 150. The state of Vermont will now be in the shape of an Uterus 151. Arab people can't wear those weird hats..they must wear huggies sumpreme.. Blue for boys. Pink for Girls 152. Butch Lesbians are a okay in this man's book 153. Dave Thomas... you know... from those wendys commericals will be the speaker of the house. 154. Lady of the House.... Heidi Flieus 155. Flatulance powered airplanes 156. Shania Twain must report to Franks bed every night right after that Britney bitch 157. Anyone stealing locks money from a bank will have their balls painted red and their tongue stappled to their nose. 158. Denise from the Cosby Show must marry Jouralo from Head of the class 159. Judge Judy must pee on frank's leg right after every big storm and tell him it's raining. 160. the word clock is good because if you take away the c.....it's lock 161. The physic friends hotline will never be allowed to break up because we will have nothing to make fun of in life ever again. 162. Dionne Warick must report to Somalia 163. Somalia will be burnt because of Dionne Warick being there 164. National John Goodman's Tits Day..... where we celebrate the size of John Goodman's tits 165. Beaker from the Muppet Babies will have his own number 1 song called beep beep beep beep 166. Curcumision is ok as long as it ain't lock 167. Ervin Egen from head of the class is now the sexist man of the year. 168. Strip poker is only allowed if Frank and Maury Povich are playing 169. The wheel on wheel of fortune sucks so it will be replaced by Ms. Basille. 170. For all the little kiddys out there, summer reading will include Mountain Get out of my way by Montel Williams, an Archie comic book and the fear factory story in the Obsulete cd case. 171. If anyone wants to continue with being Jewish ( no offense but to Jews but we made fun of every other nationality) so you have to eat a live hampster. 172. You must go down to the national dead rat society and adopt a dead rat. 173. All movies originally starring Bruce Willis will have him replaced by George Murhsean. 174. When it rains, people can not use umberellas because it is just water damnit. 175. Whenever you need advice don't bother Lock with your silly problems ask papa smerf. 176. The hollywood squares will be replaced by the cast of my two dads and Good Times 177. Every Friday the 13th a parade will happen with Frank and the Golden Girls where they are all eating heath bars. 178. Tony the Tiger will now be the offical spokes person for the Olympics 179. If a woman doesn't want to go cook for you... then resort to Cave man tactics and either hit her with a big club or drag her around by her hair. 180. At five o' clock every day the little children must gather around in a big circle in their little neighborhoods and watch Kevin Henley on tv read Green Eggs and Ham by Doctor Suess. 181. At every bar and pub, there must be at least one girl who is dressed up like the bee from the blind melon video. 182. Jamie Farr from M*A*S*H must be added to the blink 182 video for whats my age again 183. In every commerical on tv... Juan Valdez or Marky Marky and the Funky bunch must appear for at least 3 whole seconds. 184. After eating Arbys...everyone must poop. 185. You can never use the words same here together... you must use the word "ditto" 186. William Shatner must walk around in his funny looking Star Trek costume. 187. Ditto for Kevin Cosnter, Madonna and the gradma from Family Matters 188. Fabio will be covered in I can't believe it's not butter for making those god awful commericals 189. Having your foot fall alseep will become the national pastime but with badmittion close behind 190. The chick neighbor from Married with Children and Cher's lesbian daughter must have sex in front of lock, pee on each other and then pee shipped to Alaska... where is they were left alone they would have to eat each other. 191. If you know someone named ORBE you will recieve either 10 bucks or get whipped with a cane 10 times. 192. No male nurses. The only thing a man should be nursing is a bottle of gin 193. If you don't need a fax machine in your house and no one knows how to use it. Don't buy one. 194. Vince Neil of Motley Crue must devote his life to the Essance of Emril and the Food Channel. 195. Pennies will no longer be in use. Belly button lint will replace it. 196. Baywatch will be the same exact thing as it was before except for the bathing suits on the females. They will be removed because of costs. 197. Peeing in other people's gardens is well banned in Peru but everywhere else it is incouraged. 198. If you are stupid enough to put lawn furtinure outside your house, anyone has a right to take it. 199. All Fun Dip must go to Frank and only Frank 200. The only time some one is allowed to be cocky is when they are playing air hockey 201. Anyone who sucks, will have their blood taken from their bodies and have it rain over their family. 202. Thermos and weird looking goblets will be the only thing people will able to drink from 203. Cubbies from Kindergarden will be brought back and 1 must be in every house 204. Finger painting and not with a brush must be used when painting little figures to use for a game of "war" 205. When playing checkers and when you get a checker to the other end of the board, you must scream King me, the other person must put another checker on top and put a Burger King Crown on your head as well 206. No one is allowed to do the play Peter Pan because guys in tights just ain't right. 207. When reviecing a gift from someone older, you don't and I repeat you do not have to write thank you notes. 208. Anyone who watches MTV during Total Request Live will have to be stuck in a room with Jon and will have to listen to The Great Southern Trenkill (hell he does it by himself) 209. The color pink will not exist unless it is hot pink. 210. if anyone joins Gallagism and disobeys Frank, they will suffer by getting their naval torn out, nailed to tree upside down and they will be wrapped in their small intestines. 211. The words yep and yup will be replaced by YIP 212. Kevin Doyle must choose either Chris Gallagher or the lunch lady 213. People who can eat their hair will have throwns and shrines built in honor of them in Iceland. 214. The only people allowed on the bus is me and Connors damnit! 215. There should be a fruit cake yards for people who get fruit cake as a gift and dont want it to throw it out! (no one eats it anyway) 216. All Shampoo will smell like coconuts. 217. No one's screen name can have numbers at the end of it besides Frank. NO EXCEPTIONS 218. Tv remotes will be called Zappers and/ or clickers 219. anyone who watches the WB will be cocomposed with a spoon of Franks choice 220. Correction officers in jail must wear tutus 221. Ghandi would be put in a dish washer and then have his arm incredibly stretched out like that dude from street fighter 222. Anyone who is named Bubba or Tiny must have beer bellys the size of a Taco Bell 223. Mirco Machines will go through schools in the hallways, controlled by frank of course and if anyone steps on th |
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