YO MOMMA'S SOOO FAT...
...she sat on a rainbow and it rained skittles.
...when she gets a pedicure, she has to take their word.
...she sat on a quarter and squeezzed a booger outta George Washington's nose.
...when she sat on 4 quarters it made a dollar.
...she wore a yellow dress and everyone yelled "School Bus!"
...she sat on the phone and the bill popped out.
...when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up.
...her nickname is "DAMN"
...she eats Wheat Thicks.
...we're in her right now.
...people jog around her for exercise.
...when she went to the movies, she sat next to everyone.
...she has been declared a natural habitat for condors.
...you have to roll over twice to get off her.
...she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for their new world.
...she lay on the beach and people ran around screaming "Free Willy!"
...when you get on top of her your ears pop.
...when she has sex, she has to give directions.
...she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "Okay."
...when she wore a yellow raincoat, people yelled, "Taxi!"
...she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
...she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
...she puts on lipstick with a paint-roller.
...she has to pull down her pants to get to her pockets.
...when she tripped over on 4th Avenue, she landed on 12th..
...when she bungee jumps, she takes the bridge with her.
...the highway patrol made her wear a sign that said "Caution! Wide Turn!"
...when she sits around the house, she really SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
...when she steps on a scale, it said "One at a time, please."
...when she gets on it said,"to be continued..."
...when she gets on a scale it says, "We don't do livestock."
...she fell in love, and broke it.
...she's got her own zip code.
...she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon.
...God couldn't light the earth 'til she moved.
...NASA has to orbit a satellite around her.
...whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in.
...when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...
...she's got "Amtrak" written on her thigh.
...even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her lip-o-suction.
...her legs are like spoiled milk - white and chunky.
...you have to roll her ass in flour and look for a white spot to fuck her.
...I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitch's good side.
...she wakes up in sections.
...when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
...she was mistaken for God's bowling ball.
...when she jumps us in the air, she gets stuck.
...she's got more chins than a Hong Kong phone book.
...that her her senior pictures had to be arial views.
...she's on both sides of the family.
...everytime she wears high-heels, she strikes oil.
...when she hauls ass, she has to make to trips.
...even her clothes have stretch marks.
...she has a wooden leg with a kickstand.
...she has to use a VCR as a beeper.
...she broke her leg and gravy poured out.
...when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin' tights.
...she got hit by a parked car.
...they have to grease the bath tub to get her out.
...she has a run in her jeans.
...they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping.
...her underwear size is twice the equator.
...when she backs up, she beeps.
...she has to buy two airplane tickets.
...when she fell over, she rocked herself to sleep trying tp get up again.
...she influences the tides.
...when I tried to drive around her I ran outta gas.
...the animals at the zoo feed HER.
...when she dances at a concert, the music skips.
...the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her.
...she stands in two time zones.
...she left the house in high heels and came back in flip-flops.
...you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
...when she goes to an "All You Can Eat" buffet, they hafta install speed bumps.
...she can't tie her shoes.
...she sets off car alarms when she runs.
...when she wears an X jacket, helicopters try to land on her.
...she uses Redwoods for toothpicks.
...the only pictures you have of her are satelite pictures.
...she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist the spelled boulevard.
...she uses a mattress for a tampon.
...she hoola-hooped the Super Bowl.
...they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through it to clean it.
...when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
...when she stands in a left turn lane it gives her a green arrow.
...when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
...the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts.
*...when you cut her ass open she bleeds chocolate milk
...last time she saw 90210 it was on the scale
...that she takes out the cellulite in her legs and uses it as cottage cheese.
...she fell in the grand Canyon and got stuck!
...she plays pool with the planets!
...she got stuck in the blackhole!
...she's the reason why the Titanic sank! (she was laying against the side of the ship. That's why they couldn't turn in time.)
...Titanic didn't hit a iceberg, it was her.
...she uses a matress as a tampax. (Submitted by Sarah A., Thanx!)
...last time she saw 90210 was on the bathroom scale. -Andrew
...when she saw the ocean she said oh finally a toilet. -Mitchell
...one day she was wearing a red dress everyone shouted out, "Koolaid!"
...when god said let there be light she moved. -vince
...that when she stepped on the scale is said I want your weight not your phone number. -antonio
...when her bra straps are hanging out people think the Macy's Day Parade is going by.
...she uses a sheep as a tampon.
YO MOMMA'S SOOO DUMB...
...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
...she thought a quarterback was a refund.
...she tried to M&M's in alphabetical order.
...she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
...she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.
...she thought General Motors was in the army.
...she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
...she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
...under "education" on her jop application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
...she tried to drown a fish.
...she tripped over a cordless phone.
...she spent 20 minutes looking at an orange juice container because it said "Concentrate."
...she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
...she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
...she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
...they had to burn the school down to get her outta 3rd grade.
...at the bottom of the applicatione where it says "sign here", she wrote "Sagittarius."
...she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
...it takes her two hours to watch "60 minutes."
...if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
...she studied for a blood test - and failed.
...she thought she needed proper change to get on the "Soul Train."
...she sold her car for gas money.
...when she saw the "NC-17, under 17 not admitted", she went home and got 16 friends.
...when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
...she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
...when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
...I said it was chilly outside and she went to get a bowl.
...she crashed (her car) into a parked car.
...she told everyone she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read.
...she puts lipstick on her head to make up her mind.
...she bought a solor-powered flashlight.
...she took a cup when she went to see Juice.
...she asked me wha number for 911 was.
...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
...when she read on her job application "DO NOT WRITE BELOW THE DOTTED LINE," she wrote, "O.K."
...she stole free bread.
...she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
...she called Dan Quayle for a spell check (?)
...she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
...she makes Beavis and Butthead look like Nobel Prize winners.
...when asked on an application, "Sex?" she marked, "M, F, and sometimes wednesday, too."
...when you stand next to her, you can hear the ocean.
...she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hambuger at McDonald's.
...she sits on the TV and watches the couch.
...she bought a videocamera to record cable TV shows at home.
...she jumped out of a window and went up.
...she took an umbrella to see "Purple Rain"
...she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.
...she invented glow in the dark sunglasses. -Butters666
...she invented a wheelchair with peddles. -Butters666
YO MOMMA SO POOR...
...when I saw her kicking a can down the street and asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."
...she can't afford to pay attention.
...when I ring the doorbell ring, I hear a toliet flush.
...when I push the doorbell I hear your mom yell, "Ding!"
...she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
...your family eats cereal with a fork to save milk.
...her face is on the front of a food stamp.
...she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What 'cha doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."
...she drives a peanut.
...she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.
...was walking down the street and saw her throwing-up in a trashcan top and asked what she was doing and she said "making breakfast."
...the only entertainment she has is when the cockroaches come out and start "singing we are family..."
...I walked in the house and stepped on a cigarette and she said "who turned off the heat!"
...she drinks her own urnine and pretends its lemonaid.
...when I walked through the front door, I came out the back.
YO MOMMA SOOO UGLY...
..when she joined the ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals.
...she looked out the window and was arrested for mooning.
...just after she was born, her mother said "Oh, what a treasure!" and her father said, "Yeah, now let's go bury it."
...they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
...they push her face into dough to make Halloween cookies.
...they didn't even give her a costume when she auditioned for Star Wars.
...instead of putting the bungee cord on her ankle, they put it on her neck.
...she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
...when she walks into a bank, they turn the surveillence cameras off.
...her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.
...her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her.
...when she walks down the street people say, "Damn, is it Halloween already?"
...the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
...if ugly were bricks, she'd have her own projects.
...they pay her to put her clothes on in a strip club.
...she made an onion cry.
...they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower.
...when they took her to a beautician, it took 12 hours...for a quote.
...she tried to a bath but the water jumped out.
...even Rice Krispies won't talk to her.
...Ted Dansen won't date her.
...on Halloween she Trick or Treats via phone.
...she had to drunken her baby to brest feed it.
...she turned Medusa to stone.
...people go as her for Halloween.
...when she sits in sand (like on a beach) cats try to bury her.
...she scares the roaches away.
...I heard your dad first met her at the pound.
...that you father takes her to work with him, just so he doesn't have to kiss her good-bye.
...she has to sneak up on her mirror.
...when she looked in the mirror Michael Jackson popped out and said, "you are not alone."
...that when she was born they named her shit happens!
...she has 49 years of bad luck.
...a gorilla thought she was a mate.
...she had to be fed with a slingshot.
YO MOMMA SOOO OLD...
...she has Jesus's beeper number.
...her Social Sercurity number is 1.
...that when God said light there be light, she hit the switch.
...when she was in school, there was no history class.
...she owes Jesus 3 bucks.
...she's in Jesus's yearbook.
...she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
...her birth certificate says expired.
...her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
...she knew Burger King when he was just a prince.
...she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
...she ran track with dinosaurs.
...she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.
...she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and always said "she'll never amount to anything."
...she has a Bible autographed by God
...she squirts out powder milk
...she drove a chariot to school.
...she poops cobwebs and farts dust.
...I asked her to act her age and the bitch died.
YO MOMMA SOOO DARK...
...she went to night school and was marked absent.
...she spits chocolate milk.
...she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.
...she has to wear white gloves when eating Toosie Rolls so she doesn't eat her fingers.
YO MOMMA SOOO SHORT...
...she poses for trophies.
...you can see her feet on her driver's lisence.
...she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
...she can play handball on a curb.
...she does backflips under the bed.
YO MOMMA'S SOOO NASTY...
...she hasta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh.
...she brings crabs TO the beach.
...she pours salt water in her pants to keep her crabs fresh.
...she made Speed Stick slow down.
...she made the right guard turn left.
...the fishery pay here to leave.
...her shit is glad to escape.
...Ozzie Ozboure refused to bite her head off.
...my brother called her for phone sex and she gave him an ear infection.
YO MOMMA LIKE...
...a bag of potato chips--Fri-to Lay.
...a screen door, after a couple bangs, she tends to loosen up.
...the pillsbury doughboy - everyone gets a poke.
...a doorknob, everybody gets a turn.
...a bus, 50 cents and she ready to ride.
...a golf course, everyone gets a hole in one.
...the railway system, she gets laid all over the country.
...a tomato sauce bottle, everyone get a squeeze outta her.
...a shotgun, one cock and she blows.
...a hardware store, 4 cents a screw.
...a Dimino's pizza, somethin' for nothin'.
...a refrigerador, everyone likes to put their meat in her.
...cake mix, 15 servings per package.
...a rifle, four cocks and she's full.
...a bowoling ball, she picked up, fingered, then thrown in the gutter.
...a bus, guys climb on and off her all day.
...a Toyota, "Oh, what a feelin'!"
...Orange Crush crush, "Good vibrations."
...a bubble-gum machine, 25 cents a blow.
...chinese food, sweet sour, and cheap.
...a vacuum cleaner, a real good suck.
...a racecar she burns four rubbers a day
...a vacuum, she sucks, she blows, and she gets laid in the closet. -Jared
...a brick, she's hard, dirty and gets laid by Mexicans.
...a television set, a 4 year old can turn her on. -Kristyna
YO MOMMA SOOO HAIRY...
...you almost died of rugburn at birth.
...she's got afro's on her nipples.
...she looks like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.
...Bigfoot was taking HER picture.
...she wears a Nike tag on her weave so everyone calls her "Hair Jordan"
...she has an afro with a chin-strap.
YO MOMMA SOOO SLUTTY...
...she could suck-start a Harley.
...she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball.
...when she got a new mini-skirt, everyone commented her nice belt.
...she was on the cover of Wheaties, with her legs open, and it said "breakfast of the champs."
...I could have been your daddy (a guy is talking), but the guy behind me had correct change.
...she had her own "hands across her ass" charity drive.
...that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO, she thought she was getting it three times.
...she's blind and seeing another man.
YO MOMMA NOSE SO BIG...
...she makes Pinochio look like a cat.
...you can go bowling with her boogers.
YO MOMMA SOOO GREASY...
...she used bacon as a band-aid.
...she sweats Crisco.
...Texaco buys Oil from her.
YO MOMMA SOOO SKINNY...
...she turned sideways and disappeared.
...she has to wear belt with spandex.
...she hula-hoops with a Cheerio.
...she can dodge rain drops.
...she can be used as a toothpick.
...she can do push ups under the door.
YO MOMMA SOOO BALD...
...even a wig won't help.
...you can see what's on her mind.
...she took a shower and got brainwashed.
YO MOMMA SOOO TALL...
...she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.
...she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.
...she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.
YO MOMMA'S GLASSES SOOO THICK...
...she can see into the future.
...when looks at a map, she sees people waving.
YOM MOMMA'S TEETH SO YELLOW...
...I can't believe it's not butter.
