Michael Irvin has a restraining order to stay away from convicted criminals.
He must therefore stay off the playing field.
Why might the Chicago Bears want Michael Irvin?
They had a refrigerator and might want a coke machine.
What do you call a drug deal in Dallas?
Huddle.
Why Hockey Is Better Than Sex
10 It's Legal To Play Hockey Proffesionally
9 The Puck Is Always Hard
8 The Protective Equipment Is Reusable, And You Don't Even Have To Wash It
7 It Lasts A Full Hour
6 You Know You're Finished When The Buzzer Sounds
5 Periods Last Only 20 Minutes
4 A 2-On-1 And A 3-On-1 Is Not Uncommon
3 You Can Count On It At Least Twice A Week
2 Your Parents Cheer When You Score
1 You Can Tell Your Friends About
What part of a football pitch smells nicest ?
The scenter spot !
Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space ?
Because there is no atmosphere !
What's the chilliest ground in the premiership ?
Cold Trafford !
How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle ?
Somebody took a corner !
Which England player keeps up the fuel supply ?
Paul gas coin !
What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas ?
Ince pies !
What does a footballer and a magician have in common ?
Both do hat tricks !
Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar ?
All of them, a crossbar can't jump !
Why are football players never asked for dinner ?
Because they're always dribbling !
Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear ?
Because he liked sole music !
What do do the Houston Astros and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both wear a glove on one hand for no apparent reason.
What do you call 18 uniformed men surrounded by 4000 innocent bystanders??
A Montreal Expos game
Why are they replacing the turf in Dodger Stadium with cardboard?
The Dodgers look better on paper.
Why can't David Cone of the Yankees get on the Internet?
He can't get 3 w's in a row!!!
What tea do footballers drink ?
Penaltea !
Where do footballers dance ?
At a football !
What did the bumble bee striker say ?
Hive scored !
What is black and white and black and white and black and white ?
A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill !
What are Brazilian fans called ?
Brazil nuts !
Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch ?
He was the skipper !
What lights up a football stadium ?
A football match !
If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls ?
Cornflakes !
Which football team loves ice-cream ?
Aston Vanilla !
What is a goal keepers favourite snack ?
Beans on post !
How do hens encourage their football teams ?
They egg them on !
Why do grasshoppers not go to many football matches ?
They prefer cricket matches !
Why did the chicken get sent off ?
For persistent fowl play !
Why didn't the dog want to play football ?
It was a boxer !
Which insect didn't play well in goal ?
The fumble bee !
Where do spiders play their FA Cup final ?
Webley stadium !
When fish play football, who is the captain ?
The team's kipper !
Why is it that birds are quickly sold when they come up on the transfer market ?
They tend to go cheep !
How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden ?
Hide the ball, it drives them nuts !
Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats ?
They might be cheetahs !
