Home
Snappy and Spunky
The Best Fairytale of All
The Best Fairytale of All Ch7
The Best Fairytale of All ch10
The Best Fairytale Of All ch13
Happily Ever After
Happily Ever After 2
Julia and Kacies Randomness
FAQ
Contact
My Diary
Prelude to Pretards
|
| The Middle Chapters |
 |
| Gotta love my choice of music! |
CHAPTER 6
IN DA HOOD
Down the yellow brick road they went, until the yellow ended and was replaced by red brick. “Now what?” asked Stephanie. “Don’t follow the red! I saw it in a movie once! There’s an evil witch with flying monkeys down the red brick road!” Sean warned them. “COOL!” Jordan shouted wanting to meet an evil witch like her. “Well let’s follow that trail instead!” Allie said pointing to a hidden trail in a forest. So they did. This whole time Allie has been wondering why Kylie was changed into a human instead of her original form, a donkey. So she asked. “Kylie, why were you changed into a human when your original form was a donkey?” This question made Kylie stop dead in her tracks, making everyone behind her fall over like dominoes. “Ha ha! You all fell!” KC laughed. Kylie looked away from them all. “I have something I must tell all of you. Before I was a donkey, I was a man named Kyle McButttoucher, with three t’s. One day, I was riding my blue tricycle home, and I murdered a moose.” She told them. “You! You murdered my husband!” KC shouted shocked but then back to her normal self “Ok on with your story.” “You married a moose?” Chris asked confused. “Yep his name was Elmer I loved him very much and IT killed them!!!! Go on with your story!” KC said smiling like an idiot. “Anyways, I started to torture trees and decapitate ducks. I couldn’t help my addiction. I went to a witch one day and he changed me into a donkey for all of my bad deeds.” Kylie said hanging her head sadly. “He? Wouldn’t HE be a wizard, not a witch?” Sean asked. “Nope,” Kylie answered, “He was a drag queen. Anyways, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell you my awful horrible past.” “Ok so here we have Kyle McButttoucher, now Kylie, who murdered KC’s husband, Elmer Moose. THis si worse than a modern day soap opera.” Jordan stated but then KC corrected her. “His name was Elmer Moosenham.” “So you’re KC Moosenham?” Chris asked. “No I kept my maiden name, Klutz!” KC said with her idiotic smile. “And that name fits you perfect.” Stephanie told her. “THANKS!” KC responded taking it as a compliment. Suddenly a little blonde haired blue eyed girl wearing a red riding hood appeared out of nowhere! “Who are you?” Stephanie asked. “Why, I’m Little Red Riding Hood of course!” she said batting her eyelashes at them. “I don’t like her, she’s too cute.” Jordan said. “Silly willy!”she giggled a batted her eyelashes again. “Have a flower!” then she skipped to Jordan and handed her a bright yellow flower. Jordan hissed, “IT BURNS! IT BURNS! NOOO!!!! IT BURNS!!!!” “What’s in your basket?” Kylie asked curiously. “Lots of oody goodies for my dear sweet granny!” she said sweetly and innocently. “Ooh! Food!” KC yelled and lunged for the basket but the moved it out of her reach. “No no silly willy! Not for you!” she giggled. “YES! For me!” KC yelled. “NO!” Then the little girl’s big sparkling blue eyes became bloodshot and black, she grew about 5 feet her hair turned into black snakes and in a horrible frightening deep voice growled, “ OODY GOODIES FOR DEAR SWEET GRANNY!” Then she sneezed and turned right back into the adorable blonde haired blue eyed girl. “Bless you!” Stephanie said politely. “NO! EVIL!” Jordan hissed. KC was angry. “Yeah, this is really nuts.” Kylie said. “No, this is!” Allie said and began dancing. As she danced, five squirrels came out of nowhere and began dancing with her. While all this was happening, two other squirrels climbed onto Kylie’s head and began spitting nuts at her. “Those really are nuts!” KC said impressed. “Do it again!” she commanded. Allie shrugged and began dancing again. “AGAIN!” KC shouted after she finished. “NO!” Jordan yelled. “Little Red Riding Hood, where are you headed?” Sean asked. “I’m on my way to my dear sweet granny’s house!” she answered giggling. “Kylie, you have something on your face.” Chris told her. “What is it?” Kylie asked. “It’s just a green oogie boogie!Here have a tissue to wipe it all away! Awww much better better better!” Little Red Riding Hood answered sweetly. KC snuck up behind the little girl and snatched the basket. “OODY GOODIES FOR ME!” she yelled and ran behind a tree to enjoy her goodies she stole. Little Red Riding hood changed back into an awful creature and began yelling,” OODY GOODIES FOR GRANNY! OODY GOODIES FOR GRANNY!” The rest of the “heroes” ran away. “Hey!” KC said pulling everything out of the basket disappointed. “There are only nasty prunes, dried fruit and banana nut bread in here! These ain’t no goodies, these are baddies! Yuck!” she said and threw them at Little Red Riding Hood “GOODIES!” the creature yelled growing a few feet bigger, and two horns sprouted from her head! “ICKY ICKY ICKY!” KC yelled throwing the prunes at the creature. The creature growled and snapped a tree in half. “You big bully! Pick on someone your own size!” Stephanie yelled running to KC’s side. Stephanie then jumped on the creature’s big toe which was twice the size of her. It yelled in pain and ran away crying. “Wow!” Jordan said walking towards them. “That was nuts!” Kylie said shocked. “No! This is! That girl called these oody goodies but there nasty and gross and bad! KC said throwing the banana nut bread at Kylie. “On with our journey!” Allie said as they began following a dark, mysterious trail, not knowing if they would ever see light again.
CHAPTER 7
PERFECTION AND THE DWARVES
Hardly any light could be seen along this dark, mysterious trail. Strange and creepy animal noises were heard but Kacie just yelled at them. The trail finally came to an end at a tall tower that almost reached the sky. A window at the top could be seen with a girl their age with long flowing gold hair hanging down the side. She was singing a happy song and birds were chirping and bunny rabbits were hopping and the deer were prancing until Sean got the munchies and attacked each animal he could. The girl in the tower gasped at seeing this werewolf eat all of her woodland creature friends. “HI UP THERE!” Allie yelled to her. “HELLO!” she yelled back. “WHATCHA DOIN ALL THE WAY UP THERE?” Kacie yelled. “WANTING TO BE FREE!” she yelled back. “IM THE GOOD WITCH ALLIE, THIS IS THE EVIL WITCH JORDAN, CHRIS THE TROLL, SEAN THE WEREWOLF, STEPHANIE THE OLD HAG, PRINCESS KACIE KLUTZ, AND KYLIE THE TROUBLED SOUL, WHO ARE YOU?” Allie yelled. “MY NAME IS RAPUNZEL! HERE CLIMB UP MY LONG FLOWING SHINY BEAUTFUL HAIR!” she yelled back and threw down her golden locks. “Great idea!” Kacie said pulling her hair and Rapunzel came flying out the window screaming bloody murder. She hit the ground with a “thud.” “Are you ok?” Sean asked. “Why yes, I’m perfect!” she said flashing a pearly white smile at him. Rapunzel stood up. “My evil stepmother locked me away in this tower, but thanks to you good civilians, I’m free!” she said smiling again. “Wow her teeth are too bright!” Jordan said putting on her sunglasses. “To show my appreciation for your good deed, I will take you to the best pizza place in the village!” she said flipping her long golden locks hitting Kylie in the face. Rapunzel took them to a large pizza parlor with many bright signs and loud music playing. She ordered them 5 pizzas, one pepperoni, one sausage, one cheese, one bacon, and Kacie’s favorite Canadian bacon and pineapple. They had eaten almost all and Rapunzel was still on her first piece. “Be careful! Your hair might get in the pizza!” Kacie warned Rapunzel and she looked to Kacie with her sparkling eyes. “You were worried about my long gorgeous hair? How sweet!” she told Kacie. “No actually I was worried about the pizza. I didn’t want it to go to waste. By the way, are you going to eat that?” Kacie asked. “No.” Rapunzel said handing it to her. In a nearby booth, a man named King was being served a pizza pie filled with four and twenty blackbirds (24). “What a dainty dish!” exclaimed Kylie noticing the odd sight. “Dainty? I was thinking more of queer!” Chris said. “I was thinking more of crazy!” Jordan said. “Why eat blackbirds, they don’t have much meat on ‘em!” Sean told them. “Well Rapunzel, we would love to stay but we are on a mission to destroy the evil Colonel Sander. Thank you for the pizza and farewell!” Allie told Rapunzel and they all left. This time they traveled on a forest trail but in a happy cheerful looking forest, not the deathly creepy one they were in before. Suddenly, a man in green tights jumped in front of them. “Halt!” he told them. “Nice hat!” Kacie said noticing the green feather. “Thank you! I am Robin Hood.” He told them standing brave. “Are you by any chance related to Little Red Riding Hood, if so, dude I ain’t messing with you, that kid was seriously messed up!” Jordan exclaimed. “Another Hood? Hmm… named Little Red Riding, was she on her way to her grandmother’s house with a bag full of food?” he asked. “Good oodies! Kacie corrected him, “But actually they were addie baddies cause they were disgustingHe thought for a moment. “Nope the name doesn’t ring a bell!” he said a merrily pranced on his way in his green tights. “What a friendly guy.” Kacie said as they all watched him disappear. They continued on the trail until it led to a small cottage. “Should we stop and see if anyone is home?” Kylie asked. So they knocked on the door, no answer. The group did not notice the seven pairs of eyes watching them from behind a tree. “I feel someone or something is watching us.” Jordan said looking around cautiously. “You’re just paranoid.” Chris told her. Suddenly, the seven pairs of eyes came towards them revealing seven dwarfs with beards. “Hey! Look at the midgets!” Kacie said laughing. “We’re dwarves you dim wit!” one yelled to her. “I’m Crappy, this is Angry, that’s Pimpy, Loopy, Druggy, Stinky, and Bill.” Crappy told them. “Bill?” Sean asked looking to the homely looking dwarf. “He’s my 3rd cousin twice removed on my mother’s side.” Crappy told them. “I don’t like ‘em.” Loopy said eyeing Stephanie strangely. “I don’t like you!” she replied sticking her tongue out. “AY! LOO LOO LOO ARGH!!!!!! WAAAAAAAA BAHHHHHH!!!!!” Loopy yelled at her. “I wouldn’t mess with Loopy, he’s a little off don’t cha think?” Jordan said to Stephanie as she slowly backed away. “Ok something smells worse than Kylie.” Allie said pinching her nose. A shy looking dwarf stepped forward and bashfully said. “Aww it was nothin’!” “Nothin? Dude you stink!” Kacie told him. “That’s why his name is Stinky you stupid moron! I swear, you people are retarded or something!” Angry yelled. “Two words,” Jordan told him, ‘Anger…management.” The dwarf with many gold chains around his neck and baggy clothes stepped forward. “Yo yo yo my homies! Whaddup dawg?” he said. “What?” Stephanie asked confused, “For shizzle my nizzle funky dizzle!” He replied. “Umm…could you repeat that please?”Allie asked politely. “Frizzle gizzle bizzle! Chill my little Jizzle fa-dizzle!” he told them. “I don’t get it.” Kacie stated. “we are on our way to KFC, could you please point to which direction we should go?” Chris asked. “Oh yeah dawg, take a right at the grizzle, aight? Then you gonna see some majorally pimpin’ mizzle dizzles, then you gonna libm up wit cha frizzles and then you take a left and it will take you straight to the Funk Master Colonel Sanders himself yo! Peace out!” Pimpy told him. “He said go right and keep going right until you reach your destination.” Bill told them in simpler terms. “Thanks Bill! You’re a life saver!” Kacie told them as they headed to the right, towards KFC, towards Colonel Sanders, towards potato wedges, and your friendly neighborhood State Farm Agent.
CHAPTER 8
LIKE A GOOD NEIGHBOR…
When I said towards your friendly Neighborhood State Farm agent, I meant it. As the group passed by a small building elevator music began playing and a voice sang “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.” “Where is that coming from?” Stephanie asked. “There!” Jordan said pointing towards the small building. “Yeah, but my tummy speaks louder and it says let’s go over there!” Kacie said pointing to McDonalds. “Oooh McDonalds!” Allie said as they all began walking towards the fast food restaurant.
“Wait!” a voice yelled to them as a balding man in a grey suit came running to them. “Who are you?” asked Kylie. “I’m your friendly neighborhood State Farm Agent!” he replied as the music played again, “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!” “My name’s Jim, I will assist you as a good neighbor would.” He told them and again, the music played, “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!” “OK that’s really annoying.” Sean said. “Anyhoo, I’d like to help you. You seem like good people and State Farm is like a good neighbor!” he told them smiling as the music played, “Like a good neighbor State Farm is there!” “Where in the Fruit of the Loom is that coming from?” Kacie asked looking up to the sky. “I can assure all of you, State Farm will always be there, just as a good neighbor would be!” and again, the music played, “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!” “The music is driving me insane.” Chris said putting his hands over his ears. “Ok Well Mr. Jim, I bet you are a good neighbor,” Jordan said as the music interrupted, “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!” “STOP WITH THE MUSIC AND THE SINGING!!!” Jordan yelled angrily and the music stopped. “Mr. Jim! We don’t need a good neighbor, we don’t need State Farm, we need potato wedges and unless you have some in that cheap grey suit you are wearing, then you can’t help us!” Jordan shouted at Jim. “Dude, he’s like Mr. Rogers!” Kacie whispered to Stephanie. Jim walked away waiting for his next victim. “Ok! On to McDonalds!” Sean said as they all skipped merrily to the lovely fast food restaurant. As they entered, the smell of hot greasy French fries filled the air. “Kylie move, your stinkiness is hiding the smell goodiness of this place!” Jordan said pushing her away. They all ordered and sat down in a corner booth. Out of the shadows, a figure emerged. As it grew nearer, the group watched. “RONALD MCDONALD!” Kacie shouted as his red afro appeared in the light. Jordan shrieked in terror. “Made you smile!” Ronald said chuckling like clowns do. “No you didn’t” Sean argued. “I shrieked in pure terror, not happiness! See? I’m not smiling!” Jordan stated. “Yeah Ron McDon, there’s a major difference!” Kacie informed him. Ronald chuckled. “Made you smile!” he said dancing around like a fruitcake during the 4th of July. “No you didn’t!” Kacie argued. “Made you smile!” “WE’RE NOT SMILING YOU STUPID CLOWN!” Stephanie yelled at him. “Be careful Stephanie, I’ve heard of Killer Clowns, he may be one of them.” Allie whispered. “MADE YOU SMILE!!!!!” He chuckled loudly. “If he is a killer clown then this will destroy him!” Kacie said punching him in the nose and POOF! Ronald disappeared. “We should leave. I feel a force of evil coming from the kitchen!” Kylie said. “What are you talking about?” Chris asked. “Yeah we should leave, I need my potato wedges!” Sean whined so they left. As they walked out a figure stopped them in their tracks………Colonel Sander’s evil henchman chicken.
CHAPTER 9
Cheesy of Fo, The Reincarnation girl scout of Elvis Presley, and Prince Not-So-Charming
The chicken seemed more of frightened than intimidated as Sean growled. The chicken began running towards the kitchen as the werewolf attacked. The chicken used some kung fu moves on Sean. “OOOh!” Kacie said excited as she pulled chopsticks from her backpocket,” Chinese chicken!” The chicken let out an odd scream. They went past the McDonald’s counter, into the kitchen. They also went past a large hairy man that was making the French fries. “Eww!” Jordan shuddered at the sight of him. Sean poured grease all over the chicken. “YUM! GREASY Chinese chicken!!!!” Kacie shouted even more excited “WAIT!” a McDonald’s worker yelled coming to the aid of the chicken. “That’s not a chicken, that’s my friend, Emily!” Sean stopped strangling the chicken as the chicken pulled off it’s head to reveal a normal looking girl who laughed. “Boo!” she said pointing at Sean and laughing. “Why is she in a chicken suit?” Allie asked. “She’s….special.” the McDonald’s worker replied. Emily looked to Allie and laughed, “I’m a special secret agent! Right Cheesy?” Emily asked looking to the other girl. “Emily, no one is supposed to know that.” Cheesy said annoyed. “You’re secret agents?” Kacie asked in awe. “Yeah Cheesy is a princess named Cheesy of Fo and Colonel Sanders came and destroyed the Kingdom of Fo so now we’re trying to destroy him!” Emily stated. “Where do you fit in the story?” Chris asked. “I’m a girl scout! Wanna buy some cookies? We gots Tagalongs, Lemon, Chocolate Chip, Peanut butter fudge,” “NO YOUR NOT!” Cheesy yelled. “You were on the streets claiming to be the reincarnation of Elvis Presley; the villagers were going to burn you so I saved you!” “What were they going to burn her for? Witchcraft?” Kylie asked. “No, they couldn’t find any other way to get rid of me!” Emily told them. “Join us on our quest! We, too, are seeking to destroy Colonel Sanders and his wicked ways!” Allie told them. “I just want some popcorn chicken.” Kacie confessed. “Is she special too?” Emily asked. “No just blonde.” Jordan replied. “BOOM! BOOM!” Kacie shouted. “BOO!” Emily replied. “BOOM! BOOM!” “BOO!” “BOOM! BOOM!” “BOO!” This went on for 20 minutes. “OKAY STOP!” Stephanie said breaking them apart. “Let’s go get Sanders!” Jordan said as the group left walking towards ummm well I dunno and they didn’t know probably maybe south east towards where they thought KFC would be. Suddenly a group of happy children skipped past them. “EXCUSE YOU!!!!” Cheesy yelled making the children pee their pants, cry, and run. As they were walking a figure walked in front of them. Cheesy recognized him immediately. “Prince Charming!” she happily shouted as he turned around. Prince Charming had really long eyelashes and a black afro. He was picking his nose. “Uh hi.” He said examining a large green booger. “Who’s that?” Allie asked. “His name is Peter Charming of Fo, we call him Petey for short. He’s the love of my life!” Cheesy said hugging him. Petey of Fo snorted. “Would you like to join us on our mission?” Sean asked politely. “No not really.” Petey stated sticking his finger in his ear. “WHY NOT?!” Cheesy yelled, “I HATE YOU STUPID IDIOT! I HATE YOU! DIE DIE DIE!” She yelled and Petey ran away crying. Cheesy then turned to them cheerful, Let’s continue!” And they obeyed scared she would yell at them.
|
|