Music - http://phatbowling.com/bsbfiction/Where_are_you

Written by Bonnie...She also wrote "I wanna be with you" please give her feedback for her great stories!!
bonnie_smiles@yahoo.com

Prologue

“Where are you now”

His eyes blurred with tears as he read on.

“Nickolas Gene Carter, I’ll never forget you, and I’ll
love you forever. Love always, Bonnie.”

She was gone, gone forever. Nick looked at the
crumpled note and began to sob. It had been 3 weeks
since she left without a trace. No one knew where she
ran off to, or why she ran at all. Everything between
her and Nick were great, they hardly fought. They
loved each other so much; it was obvious to everyone
that knew them, the fans included. Everyone loved
Bonnie, and one day she vanished, leaving only a note
for Nick. It was as if Nick’s life had stopped, like
the sun had been taken away from him, and it wasn’t
fair. Nick knew deep in his heart she’d come back,
but when was she coming back is the question Nick
desperately needed an answer to. How long was she
going to make him suffer? He wanted her to be with
him so bad, he wanted to wake up in the morning and
find her sleeping next to him. He wanted to hold her
when she was scared or hurt, he wanted to run his
fingers though her long dark hair. He wanted to look
into her blue eyes and tell her how much he loved her,
but he couldn’t now, she was gone and Nick was slowly
deteriorating.

Chapter 1

4 weeks earlier

“Bonnie? You ok?” asked Debbie as she knocked on the
bathroom door. Silence. “Bonnie, hon? You need
anything?” She said worried. She heard the door
slowly open. Bonnie walked out, her eyes red and
puffy from crying.

“I…I think I need to sit.” Said Bonnie, staring
blankly into the distance. She walked over to the bed
and sat down slowly. “What am I going to do Deb?”

A confused expression appeared on Debbie’s face. “Do
about what Bonnie?” she asked sympathetically and
walked over to the bed where Bonnie sat.

Bonnie stared at a spot on the wall in front of her.
“I’m having a baby.” She said, almost emotionless.

Debbie immediately sat down on the bed next to Bonnie
and hugged her. “Are you sure?”

“Pretty much, both the tests I had came back
positive.” She said as a single tear slid down her
face. “I can’t be a mom, it’s not fair to me, Nick,
or the baby. I’m only 20 years old!” Her eyes were
searching for an answer, but she knew there wasn’t
one. She was confused and tired. “I just want to
sleep, maybe when I wake up, this will all be a
dream.” She said and smiled. She laid back on the bed
and fell asleep almost at once. Debbie looked at her
sighing and picked up a phone to make a doctors
appointment for Bonnie for the next day. Debbie
stayed with her in the hotel room until she woke up.
Debbie knew that Bonnie shouldn’t be alone at this
time. 2 hours and 4 useless shows on MTV later,
Bonnie woke up, looked at Debbie and began to sob.
“Deb, do me a favor.”

“Sure, whatever you want.”

“Don’t tell anyone, not AJ, not Lydia, especially not
Nick, he can’t know. Promise me, don’t tell anyone!”
she said crying.

Debbie bit her lip nervously, “Ok, you have my word.
Oh, by the way, I made an appointment for you
tomorrow. You want me to come with?”

“Would you??”

“Of course I will.” She said and hugged her crying
friend.

Present

“You know where she is don’t you Deb?” questioned AJ,
Debbie’s boyfriend.

“I promised AJ.” Debbie said and looked away
nervously. “Hey, what time is your photo shoot?”

“Deb,” AJ said and took Debbie’s hand looking into her
eyes. “Don’t change the subject like that, where is
she?”

Debbie jerked her hand out of AJ’s. “I promised AJ,
besides I don’t know where she is.” She said angrily
and folded her arms over her chest.

“Dammit Debbie!! Open your eyes! Don’t you see what
this is doing to Nick? He doesn’t eat, doesn’t sleep,
doesn’t talk to anyone, I can’t believe you’d make
your friend suffer like that!” AJ yelled. “Nick is my
brother, I can’t stand to see him hurt like that!!
Don’t you understand?”

“Don’t you talk to me like that Alexander, you don’t
know the half of it.” Debbie yelled as she stormed
out of the room.

*

Nick sat alone in his dressing room, staring blankly
at the wall. “Carter, you need to snap out of this.”
He told himself aloud as he ran his hand though his
hair. He jumped as someone knocked on the door.
“Dammit.” Nick whispered as he got off the couch and
headed for the door. He looked though the peephole
and saw Shannon, Brian’s wife. “Shit, I don’t need
her right now.” He mumbled to himself as he opened the
door. He plastered a forced smile on his face and
greeted her warmly.

“Hey Nicky!” she said cheerfully. Nick cringed at the
way she called him “Nicky”, he’d only let one person
call him that, and that person was Bonnie. “Mind if I
come in?” she said as she walked right past Nick onto
the couch.

“Sure, be my guest.” Nick said and rolled his eyes as
he shut the door behind him. Nick looked over at
Shannon. She was twisting her long curly blonde hair
in her fingers reading the note Bonnie had left for
Nick. Nick ran over and grabbed the note out of her
hands, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Nick
yelled.

“Well gee this little boy is in a bad mood today!” she
said and giggled.

“That’s mine, do you have no sense at all?” Nick
questioned.

“Nicky sit down, we need to talk.” Shannon said,
trying to sound dignified.

“I don’t wanna talk.” Nick said and sat down on a
chair across the room.

“Nicky, you know you can talk to me.” Shannon said,
half-heartedly.

“Stop calling me Nicky.”

“What’s bothering you hon?” she asked concerned.

“What? It isn’t obvious?” Nick said sarcastically.
“Shan, it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out.” He
said and looked down at his hands, he still wore the
promise ring Bonnie had given him.

“We all know you miss her, Nick.”

“You wouldn’t understand Shan, I mean, you have Brian,
and Maddy. You don’t know what it’s like to be me, so
don’t even try to get inside my head, it won’t work.”

4+weeks+ago

“Do you think she’ll like it AJ?” Nick excitedly
asked his friend.

“I’m sure she’ll love it, Bonnie loves everything you
give her.” AJ said and laughed.

“Yeah, you’re right. I can’t believe I’m actually
going to ask her.” Nick said dreamily.

Present

AJ looked at Brian, “Do you really think that’s a good
idea man, I mean, Nick’s still pretty, ya know…out of
it.”

“What could it hurt? I mean, it’s not like we’re
forcing him to go out with her, she’ll just be here,
ya know…if they happen to like each other, then great.
If not, it was a good try. This could help him come
out of his cocoon ya know.”

“Yeah, maybe it’s not so bad. But shhh, here he
comes.”

“Hey guys,” Nick said depressed and looking down at
the floor. He looked up quickly as someone called his
name.

“You’re late! Hurry, get to wardrobe!” said the
photographer in charge of the photo shoot they were
about to do.

“Sorry,” Nick said as he started to walk away toward
the dressing room.

“Nick,” AJ said. “There’s someone we want you to meet
when we’re done here…ok?” He asked.

“Sure, whatever, but I have to go, bye guys.” Nick
said. Dragging his feet he slowly made his way to the
dressing room.

Chapter 2

Nick sighed with relief as he walked alone back to his
room. He slipped out of the photo shoot quietly so AJ
wouldn’t see him. He wasn’t in the mood to meet
“someone”. He wanted to fall into bed and…lay there.
He hadn’t been able to sleep since Bonnie left. He’d
stay awake all night wondering where she was or what
she was doing, why she left. Nick asked himself
everyday what he did wrong to push her away, and he
just couldn’t find an answer.

4 weeks earlier (different day than before)

“Bon, you ready yet?” Nick asked impatiently.

“No.”

“Hurry!! We have to go, we’re gonna be late!” Nick
whined.

“Nickolas,” she laughed. “You’re not whining again
are you?” she said and walked out of the bathroom.
Nick’s jaw dropped when he saw her. They were on
their way to the Billboard awards in Las Vegas.
Bonnie didn’t let Nick see what she was going to wear
until that night. “Nick? I didn’t think this outfit
would have that big of an effect on you.” She giggled.
She wore black leather pants and a pink top that
showed her belly, there was glittery beaded fringe all
the way around. Her long dark hair was left down;
Nick loved it when she did that.
“I…uh, lets just go.” He said laughing and pulled her
into a kiss.

“Nick! Stop!” she yelled and pushed him away. She
looked down at the floor, “Sorry Nicky, I…you were
gonna smear my lip gloss.” She said quietly and
slipped out the door ahead of Nick. Nick just stood
there, shocked at what just happened. She’d never
done that before, she was never worried about smearing
her make-up.

“Whatever.” Nick said as he closed the door behind
him. “Bon, wait up!” he yelled and jogged up to where
she stood. She glanced up at him, tears in her eyes.
“Bonnie? What’s wrong? I’m not mad at you, there’s
no reason to be crying.” He said and cupped her chin
in his hand and kissed her softly on the lips.

Present

“Shit, where’s my key?” Nick asked himself as he
fumbled around in his pockets looking for his key
card. “Aha, here it is!” He triumphantly said and
turned to unlock his door. He heard someone walking
up behind him, so he hurried to get inside.

“Excuse me,” said a quiet voice. “Nick Carter right?”
she said smiling and reaching out to shake Nick’s
hand.

Nick sighed and turned around. “Yeah, that’s right,
did you want an autograph or anything?” he asked.

“Do you mind?” she asked sweetly. She looked kind of
like Bonnie, Nick thought as he signed a magazine for
her. She had the same dark hair and blue eyes; she
was a lot shorter than Bonnie, but Nick couldn’t stop
thinking of how much she looked like her.

“There you go.” He said and smiled. “What’s your name
by the way?”

“Oh, I’m Abby.”

“Well, it was nice meeting you Abby. How old are
you?”

“I’m 19.” She said and giggled.

“Oh, well…like I said, it was nice meeting you, bye.”
Nick said and turned around. “Maybe we’ll catch each
other later or something.” He said before he closed
the door.

Nick groaned as he flipped the channels on his TV,
nothing good was on. He rolled out of bed and walked
into the bathroom. He looked in the mirror at
himself, “Carter, you look like shit.” He said and
splashed his face. The water was cool, just what Nick
needed. Nick sat on the edge of the bathtub staring
at the tile floor in front of him. Suddenly, he jumped
up and walked swiftly for the door. “I have to get
something to eat.” He said aloud as he walked down the
hall toward the vending machines. Just as he turned
the corner her heard AJ’s familiar voice behind him.
He stopped abruptly and turned around to face AJ.

“Nick! Hey buddy!” AJ greeted him cheerfully. “You
booked it out of the photo shoot, make me think some
special lady was waiting for you up here.” He said and
laughed.

“Yeah, right J.” Nick said coldly. “Anyways, I was
just getting something to eat, talk to you in the
morning.” Nick said and turned around to face the
vending machine. “D4. Chips.” He said aloud and bent
over to pick up his much-needed bag of chips.

“Nick, before you go, I want you to meet Shelly.” AJ
said.

“Hello Shelly.” Nick smiled as he looked at Shelly,
the total opposite of what he looked for physically in
a girl. She was beautiful, but nothing like Bonnie.
She had short straight strawberry blonde hair, green
eyes, and fair skin. “How do you know AJ?” Nick asked
curiously.

“Oh, I’m Debbie’s sister.” She said and giggled. “I’m
here visiting.” She said and turned to AJ. “J, you
said he was cute, but you didn’t say how cute!” she
said winking at Nick. He blushed a little and started
walking away. “Nick?? Where are you going? I
thought you and I could go down to the bar or
something.” She said.

“Maybe some other time. I’m pretty tired right now.”
He said and looked at her apologetically. “Night
guys.” He said and walked down the hallway to his
room. Nick looked up as he heard someone call his
name. He turned around to see Abby walking up to him.
“Oh hi…Abby, right?” he asked with a grin on his
face.

“Yeah, whatcha doin’?” she asked and smiled at him.

“I just wanted something to eat, late night snack I
guess.” He smiled. “What are you doing out so late?”

“Oh, I went out with some friends. Ya know, girls
night out.” She said and smiled sweetly. “I heard you
guys are gonna be on TRL tomorrow, that must be fun.”
She said as her blue eyes lit up.
Nick’s smile grew bigger at her excitement. “Yeah, it
is fun. What room are you in? If you don’t mind me
asking.” Nick was beginning to like Abby. The
thought of that scared him. Liking someone other than
Bonnie? Nick thought to himself as he looked at Abby.

“Oh, just down the hall, 206.”

Nick couldn’t help it. She was everything Nick loved.
Friendly, cute, laid back, but she wasn’t Bonnie, and
Nick kept reminding himself of that. “So, um…what are
you doing tomorrow?” Nick asked shyly, “Cause, ya
know, you could come with me and hang out at the MTV
studio’s” Nick said, obviously blushing.

This shocked Abby, Nick Carter wants to hang out with
ME tomorrow! She thought to herself excitedly. “Uh,
I’m not doing anything.” She said looking down at her
feet. “I’d love to go!” she said looking up, beaming.

“Great!” Nick said and smiled. “See you right here at
9 am?”

“Wonderful.” She said and walked down the hallway
slipping into her room. Nick watched her, satisfied
at what he’s just done.

“Good work Carter.” He smiled to himself as he walked
into his room. He laid down on the bed and fell
asleep almost at once. The first time he’d actually
slept restfully since Bonnie had left

Chapter 3

Bonnie sat in her bedroom hugging her pillow tightly to her chest. She smiled when she saw Nick walk out on to the set of TRL, all smiles. “Good.” She said, “He’s taking it better than I thought, better than me.” She said and started to cry. “Nicky, I love you. I hope you still believe that.” She silently said to the television set in front of her. She traced Nick’s outline with her finger as her tears fell, one after the other.

4 weeks ago, day after billboard awards

“Bonnie, just tell him!” Debbie said, looking at Lydia who was nodding in agreement, Debbie had convinced Bonnie to tell Lydia, Howie’s girlfriend.

“I can’t, you don’t understand! He’s ‘The Nick Carter!” Bonnie said and rolled her eyes. “He’s the cutest and youngest Backstreet Boy! I can’t do that to him, I can’t be in the way of his life.” She said sadly. “I want him to know, really I do. But I can’t ruin his life like that.”

“I think you’re making the dumbest decision of your life. I don’t know what in God’s name would make you think that Nick’s life would be ruined.” Debbie calmly told her friend. “But whatever decision you make, I’ll understand.” She said hugging Bonnie.

“Guys, I’ve made my decision, I’m leaving in 2 days. And you’re not to tell Nick where or why I left.” She said sternly, wiping the tears away. “Better yet, I’m not even going to tell you guys where I’m headed, I don’t want a blonde Backstreet Boy showing up in the middle of the night.”

Present

“That was so cool Nick!” Exclaimed Abby as the guys walked into the green room.

“I’m glad you thought so.” Nick said and winked at her.

“Bri,” AJ whispered. “Is it just me, or does she look an awful lot like Bonnie?”

“I noticed that too. Nick says she’s a fan, since when did Nick date fans?” Brian asked concerned.

“Maybe they’re not dating, maybe they’re friends. But then again, maybe not, they’re awfully close to each other right now. Maybe we’re wrong and he got over Bonnie faster than we thought.”

“They met yesterday, I doubt they’re dating. You call that over Bonnie? She’s basically a clone!” Brian said. “Hey Nick, c’mre a sec.”

“Yeah, Bri…I’ll be right over.” He yelled. “Abby, you sit here, I’ll be right back.” He said and kissed her lightly on the cheek. He smiled the famous “Carter smile” as she turned a bright shade of pink.

“Yeah Bri?”

“I was just wondering, why the change?”

“Huh?” Nick asked confused.

“Why a fan? I thought you were against the idea of a fan. You always said, and I quote, ‘They want the Backstreet Boy, not me.”

“Look Bri, things change ok.” Nick said getting a little irritated. “Abby’s great, why should it matter if she’s a fan?”

“It doesn’t Nick, sorry man.” Brian said putting his hand on Nick’s shoulder.

“Thanks Rok. Ya know what? I’m threw being careful, if I can’t have the one I want, then I’ll take the next best thing. And she’s sitting right over there.” Nick said and smiled in Abby’s direction.

“God Nick, don’t lead her on like that.”

“Lead her on?” Nick asked defensively. “You mean like what Bonnie did to me for 11 months? Making me think she loved me, and then leaving me when she got what she wanted from me? Na uh, I’m not about to do that.” Nick said, tears forming in his eyes.

Brian embraced Nick in his arms, hugging him tightly. “Bonnie did love you Nick. You could see it in her eyes.” He whispered as Nick roughly pushed him away.

“You son-of-a-bitch! You’re taking her side?” Nick yelled, everyone in the room went dead silent, just watching Nick and Brian. Brian stood there dumbfounded.

“Nick, I was just –“

“No! Don’t even talk to me.” Nick said angrily as he stormed out of the room. Everyone looked at one another in silence.

“Um…am I missing something here?” Abby said, breaking the silence. Everyone looked at her and started talking at the same time. “Guys, it’s ok. I’ll just go find Nick.” She said getting up off the couch and walking silently out the door.

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Page Updated Sat Apr 20, 2002 3:04pm EDT