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| Stats every 9 seconds in america, a woman is physically abused by her husband or boyfriend. 42% of all murdered women are killed by current or ex-male partners. whether physical, sexual, or emotional, domestic violence cuts across all social, economic, geographic, and religious boundaries. the above statistics are just the tip of a terrifying iceberg. approximately 95% of the victims of domestic violence are women. more than three million children witness acts of domestic violence every year. this is significant because children of abused mothers are six times more likely to attempt suicide, and 50% more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol. the bottom of the line is that domestic violence threatens the women and children of today an the future. physical abuse of women is not a new phenomenon; it is a practice that has been allowed and accepted throughout history. the phrase "rule of thumb" comes from the ancient english common law that allowed a husband to chastise his wife with a whip or rattan no wider than his thumb. why would a woman stay with a violent man? there are any a number of reasons: --most often she fears for her life. her partner threatens to hurt or kill her children if she tries to leave. --she cannot afford to move out and support herself and her children. --she feels responsible for keeping the family together, she wants the children to grow up with their father. --she fears that her friends won't believe and support her. --he makes her feel guilty and tells her the abuse is her fault. --he may threaten to kill himself. --with damage to her self-esteem, she doesn't think that she can make it on her own. --he promises to never beat her again and begs her to stay. --she wants the violence to stop, not the relationship. --her fear and shame is reinforced by a lack of responsiveness and bias in the judicial system and law enforcement officials. when people ask "why do women stay in violent situations?" they are placing the blame on the victim. as a society, we must confront this attitude and place responsibility for the crimes where it belongs. with the offenders. we must also ask ourselves what can we do to help women in need. deffinitions of abuse: Woman abuse happens when your husband or boyfriend mistreats you. It takes many forms and as many names: battered women, spousal abuse, wife abuse. Physical abuse is any aggressive behaviour directed at another's body, such as pushing, pinching, squeezing, shaking, grabbing, biting, slapping, punching, kicking, choking, etc. It also includes throwing objects or using a weapon. Obviously, such conduct will often result in serious injuries, but many women are subjected to varying degrees of physical abuse without suffering physical injury that is visible to the eye. Sexual abuse is forced participation in any type of sexual activity. No one, not even a husband, has the right to force a woman to participate in sexual activity if she doesn't want to. If force or threats of force are used to gain the woman's compliance, the man can be charged with sexual assault. Psychological and verbal abuse is the infliction of emotional pain and suffering by doing things to control or degrade, such as persistent verbal attacks on self-esteem, repeated accusations of infidelity, threats of suicide, control over friends and money and threats of harm to others. Forced confinement is when someone does not allow another person out of, for example, a house, room, bed or chair for extended periods of time. Abuse towards pets or property is the destruction of property or animals with the explicit or implicit threat that "she is next." Financial Abuse means having no access to the family's money. The woman may live in a comfortable house, wear good clothing, have children who are well-equipped with toys and luxuries, but have no control over what is spent or saved, over what moneys come into the family, over any decisions about what will be bought. She is allowed money for personal use. Remember that the law now says that, in cases of divorce, the woman has a right to 50% of the family assets. things you should know: You are NOT to blame: He may be angry or under stress but these are not excuses for violence. It is not your fault. You are NOT the only one: Canadian born, immigrant, and refugee women share this problem. It happens to many women of all ages, religions, cultural backgrounds and incomes. He has NO right to hurt you: Although people may tell you that it is your duty to obey your husband and stay with him, all forms of woman abuse are wrong. It usually will NOT get better: Men who are violent usually do not change. The abuse may get worse over time. What can you do if you have been abused? You can talk to someone about the abuse. You can tell a family member, a friend, or your doctor about the abuse. You can also talk to a support group in your community. Women's centres and legal aid offices maybe able to tell you of other services which offer help. You can get medical help If you have been hurt you can go to your doctor or to the Emergency Department at a hospital. If your injuries are visible you can have pictures taken. They can be used in court should you decide to lay assault charges. There are special medical and police procedures for sexual assault cases. For more information, check the Sexual Assault and the law in Canada. You can apply for a peace bond A peace bond or 'recognizance' is a paper signed by a person (such as a spouse) promising to keep the peace and be of good behaviour. The peace bond may conditions such as requiring the person to stay away from your home or place of work. A peace bond may last for up to one year. The judge decides how long it will last. You have to go to court to get a peace bond. You do not have to be assaulted to apply nor do you have to lay assault charges. You do have to convince the judge that you have a reasonable fear of the offender. The offender will also be in court. You can leave your spouse If you and your spouse do not get along there is no law that requires you to live together. Before you leave you should find out what your rights are in relation to the children and to property. If you decide to leave you may need to go to a women's shelter or you may have family and friends who will help you. Finding a Place To Go- When an assault occurs the victim should attempt to protect herself. One way she might do this is to leave the home. If she does not have a friend or family member with whom she can safely stay, and cannot afford a motel, there are shelters in Alberta called transition houses or interval houses which will accommodate her in an emergency. The RCMP or the police, if requested, will escort the victim out of the family home to any safe place she specifies.If there are no shelters for battered women in the vicinity, the Salvation Army may be able to provide temporary assistance. It might also be worthwhile to check with the local Crisis Line or Help Line which may be able to provide a list of the organizations that can help during a crisis. If you have been assaulted, you can report it to the police The Criminal Code says that assault is a criminal offence. The Code describes three types of assault and sets maximum penalties (called sentences) for each type. The three types of assault are: simple assault (usually called common assault). Examples are slapping, pushing or shoving, punching or someone saying that he or she will harm you or your children. assault with a weapon or causing bodily harm. Examples are an assault where you are beaten with a baseball bat or an assault where you get a black eye or broken bones. aggravated assault is an assault where your life is endangered or you are wounded, maimed or disfigured. Examples are where the offender threatens to kill you or where your injuries from the assault leave you with a limp or scars. What are some of the warning sings? He is extremely jealous. Wants to know where you are at all times. Gets upset if you spend time with friends or family. Holds rigid expectations of male/female or adult/child role. He expects you to meet his emotional needs. Blames others and you for his problems. Threatens you with violence. There may be many other warning signs; you can phone the nearest Woman's Shelter for further information. In your contact with any family member, the following observations should be considered clues to the possibility of wife assault. a history of wife assault or child abuse in his family of origin. a suspicion of child abuse or sexual abuse in his role as a father. abuse of drugs or alcohol. a history of suicidal thoughts or suicide attempts. such characteristics as: -impulsiveness -temper tantrums -jealousy -possesiveness -excessive dependence on his wife -immaturity What do we know about abusers? -They try to isolate victims from family and friends -They vale power and control over others -They blame victims -They distrust others -They often have been victims or witnessed abuse -They usually have low self-esteem -They are not in touch with their own feelings Why women do not leave abusive relationships? She does not leave due to: -Fear of retaliation by partner -Lack of support from the community -Economic concerns - Where will I live? At some level, a woman weighs the relative costs and benefits for herself. Usually this process is not organized or conscious. She may have thoughts whirling around her head such as the following: If I Leave: -He may find me and be more violent -He may hurt other people -I'll have to give up my home, all my possessions, and my financial security. -I'll be able to live free of violence, if he doesn't come after me -My children will no longer be exposed to violence -I will be totally responsible for myself and the children -I'll have to admit my marriage failed -Where will we live? -Who will I go to for support? -I might have to move to another community If I Stay -They say the violence gets worse, but won't in our case -The children are being exposed to this -I have financial security, etc. -I am married -I have some support What are the effects of abuse on women? The following information is taken from the publication "Wife Assault Hurts Us All" and it relates to the effects of abuse on children. It is a fact that abuse by a partner affects women in many ways. Some times, it is difficult to cope with everyday things, to have energy to complete different tasks. You may find yourself less patient with your children and find yourself physically ill and in need of medication. This is experiencing abuse. There are many areas of your self that are affected by abuse. Self-Esteem - Our self-esteem or self-concept is a measure of how we feel about ourselves. Low self-esteem creates feelings of self-doubt and worthlessness, taking away the self-confidence needed to make decisions and to solve problems. When our own feelings and judgment cannot be trusted, solving even small problems becomes difficult. In many cases low self-esteem and poor self-concept may lead to depression. Depression is a medical condition that often requires medication or therapy to be effectively treated. Low self-esteem can also result in a disregard for personal appearance and health. Feelings of Helplessness- In abusive relationships, the abusive man maintains control of his partner's actions by physically, sexually, and psychologically abusing her. If the assaulted woman tries to regain some control, the abuser may become more controlling. Her repeated unsuccessful attempts at stopping his violence reinforce her feelings of helplessness. As a result the assaulted woman may give up trying to break the cycle of violence. Self Blame and Guilt- Many women are used to looking after the emotional needs of their family. When the emotional well-being of the family is suffering, as it does when abuse is present, the woman tends to blame herself and tends to believe she fails in her role to look after her family. Some women have hidden the abuse for years because of the guilt and shame they feel. The Partners usually encourage this thinking by blaming her for the abuse. This results in the women falsely believing she has failed as emotional caretaker and that she causes and deserves the abuse. Denying and Minimizing- Denying and minimizing abuse are two ways of coping with his violence, although they are ineffective. They increase the danger already present by encouraging the victim to disregard signals which can warn her of further assaults. Abused women frequently deny being victims of wife assault and that a pattern of abused has been established. A false sense of responsibility for the violence and embarrassment prevent her from telling others about it. Other excuses can be made to explain away the violence and to renew hope for the relationship. Minimizing abuse downplays its seriousness. Often women avoid accepting the reality that they are being abused by comparing themselves to others who have endure more extreme acts of physical and psychological abuse. Their own situations then seem much less serious and much less dangerous. |
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